Bella the Vampire Slayer
by twilightnite
Summary: Title says it all. Alice made one mistake, and they had to pay for it, with their LIVES! And then prescious family heirlooms are then burned by a match. It's weird, it's scary, it's Bella and Alice with caffiene. And you thought Emmett was scary.
1. Mistake No 1

**Bella the Vampire Slayer**

Alice and Bella were stuck in the Cullen's household. Edward was hunting, Esme had dragged Carlisle to Home Depot, -"My ear!" Carlisle had screamed- and no one really cared where Rosalie and Emmett were. Alice and Bella were watching television, when Alice perked up.

"I WANT COFFEE!" Alice screamed as she ran into the Cullen's rarely used kitchen. Bella just sat there. After five minutes, Bella then realized what was going on.

"NO ALICE!" she said, running into the kitchen. But it was too late. Alice had her cup of coffee, and was sitting in the corner.

"I LOVE COFFEE, DON'T YOU? HERE, HAVE SOME COFFEE!" Alice said, holding out her mug of coffee for Bella to take.

"Uh, no thanks." Bella knew what would happen when she was on caffeine, and it wasn't pretty. That's when things got ugly.

"I. SAID. HAVE. SOME. COFFEE!" At this point Bella was terrified. No one defied Alice when she was mad. Reluctantly, Bella reached out and took the coffee from Alice's cold hands. "DRINK IT BELLA!! DRINK IT NOW!!!!" Bella's hands began to tremble as she muttered an apology to the Cullens. "I hope this doesn't last too long." She murmured and sipped the coffee.

"CHUG CHUG CHUG!" Alice began to chant, an evil smile on her face. 'Hey, this is pretty good.' Bella thought to herself. 'Oh well, the Cullen's will be back soon.' With that she chugged it. After she set the mug on the counter, she walked into the living room. She sat on the couch, flipping through TV channels. Then she reached, _that_ show. That's 70's Show! No, seriously, she reached _that_ show. The dreaded show that Edward had forbidden. 'He's not here, and besides, I love this show! It's my favorite! Hey look! It's Sarah Michelle Geller!' That's right folks, she had stumbled upon……………..BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER!

-Meanwhile-

Alice sat on the kitchen floor, staring into space. She stood slowly and walked into the living room. Before she had made it into the room though, Bella ran by, screaming like a banshee.

"Okay then." Alice shook her head and looked at the TV. "What the?" The TV screen was all static, and Bella was nowhere to be found.

Then things got even worse.

The storm outside got worse, the sky darkened.

The power went out.

Alice gulped. 'Okay, okay, there's no need to panic.' A door slammed shut upstairs, followed by a high pitched scream. Alice clamped a hand over her mouth.

The lights flickered on for a moment and the TV flickered back to…_that_ show.

"Oh my god she watched that show!"

Bella came back into the room, something

hidden behind her back, scaring the crap outta Alice.

"Thank god it's you! Wait Bella, what're you doing? Bella?!"

All you could hear through the stormy night was:

"NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


	2. Jazzy the Pansy?

**So far the weirdest chapter in the story…poor Jazzy!**

Edward and his siblings stood in front of the front door, fumbling with his keys.

"Open the freaking door already Edward! My hair is soaking wet!"

"I'm trying Rosalie! But the stupid key won't cooperate."

"I'll help you there bro!"

"EMMETT NO!" Edward had finally gotten the key into the keyhole when Emmett charged through. Emmett plunged into the front hall.

Edward turned the key in the lock. _Click_

"I did it!"

"Way to go genius." Rosalie snapped at her brother before walking into the house. "Emmett!"

Jasper shrugged at his brother as they both made their way into the house. They both walked into Emmett who stood frozen with fear.

"Emmett?" Edward poked his brother in the head. "What'd wrong? You knock your brain loose?"

"She's got a gun…" he whispered.

"What?" Edward looked around, then at his brother, confused.

"SHE'S GOT A GUN!" Emmett yelled, pointing into a corner. His siblings followed his gaze. There was nothing in the corner.

"Yeah, sure Emmett. Are you sure you're not seeing things?" Edward asked before turning around. _Click. _Bella was standing there, holding a gigantic super soaker.

"FREEZE!" she screamed. Jasper looked at Edward. "Are we getting punk'd?" he asked his bewildered brother.

"HA!" Bella screamed, and ran out of the room.

"Okay, I think your girlfriend lost it." Jasper whispered to Edward. But then he was shot forward and into the wall in front of them.

Edward and Emmett looked around. Bella was holding her super soaker.

"MY PRECIOUS." She screamed while petting her water gun. She screamed and ran up the stairs. After a few minutes they heard a door slam and evil laughter filled the vents in the house.

Edward and Emmett heard a muffled voice behind them. Jasper's head had gone through the wall! Edward and Emmett stood there, speechless. Rosalie ran up.

"Oh, Jasper, what did you do this time?" There was another muffled sound, and they noticed Jasper's feet and hands on the wall, trying to get his head out. He stopped moving for a minute, and then he went nuts. He was banging on the wall with all his might and his butt was moving back and forth as he tried to wiggle out of the wall. A girly scream filled the air followed by a, "HOW COULD YOU?!"

Edward ran to the other side of the wall to see that Jasper's head had gone straight though the wall and there was some white stuff around his head. Jasper noticed his brother there and glared at him.

"WELL DON'T JUST STAND THERE!! Help me!" Edward laughed before he spoke again.

"What happened?"

"Your girlfriend! That's what happened!"

Edward began to pull on his brother's head, grabbing him by his ears.

"OW! MY EARS!" Edward let go of Jasper's ears and narrowed his eyes at the wall.

"Maybe…" he trailed off and left the room.

"DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!!"

"Pansy!"

"What'd you call me?!" Edward stuck his head back into the room.

"Pansy……Pansy…...Pansy…" He began to chant, "PANSY!"

"I AM NOT A PANSY! JUST GET MY HEAD OUT OF THIS FREAKING WALL!" Edward shrugged and left.

Emmett and Rosalie stood in the front hall, laughing hysterically. Edward walked up to them, smirking.

"Okay, here's the plan……"

-2 minutes later-

"Pull!"

"Ow!"

"Pull!"

"OW!"

"Ow ow ow ow ow! OW!"

"Edward, it's not working!" Rosalie whined. Edward's eyebrows furrowed in determination.

"Time for Plan B." He looked at Emmett. "Can you handle this Emmett?" Emmett nodded.

"Do you want me to get the blow torch now?"

"BLOW TORCH?! What are you doing?! Are you _trying_ to kill me?!"

"Yes."

"Emmett!" Rosalie hissed, elbowing Emmett in the ribs. Edward sighed.

"Fine, Rosalie'll do it."

"Yippee!"

"Rosalie'll do what?! What is she doing?!" Jasper shrieked. Rosalie appeared around the corner, smiling evilly.

"Why are you looking at me like that? R-Rosalie? W-what are you doing?!"

Edward and Emmett heard a crash, and saw their brother fly out into the front hall. But not before crashing into the closet door. The door shattered into a million pieces, and they saw Alice swinging back and forth by her feet upside down, and her arms crossed over her chest. She looked pissed.

"Took you long enough!" she shrieked at them.

**Hoped you enjoyed it. Will update soon!**

**Kirs and Kate**


	3. Die Demon Die!

**Be prepared…..and be afraid…..very afraid…..**

Jasper had taken Alice down and she told them about the story of Bella and the coffee.

Edward's face was beyond priceless. It went from rage to shock in all of two seconds.

"Alice, what have you done?!"

Rosalie shook her head and went into the kitchen, and noticed Bella drinking more coffee.

"Bella!" Rosalie shrieked.

Edward ran over. "Bella, what have you done?" Bella didn't answer, but chugged coffee as fast as she could. Her super soaker was on the counter, and Edward was about to pick it up, when Bella snatched it, laughed maniacally, and ran out of the kitchen.

Emmett looked at his brother. Edward was speechless.

"Jasper, can you try to calm her down?" Edward looked at him. Jasper was glaring at him.

"Why should I help you? You called me a pansy. I AM NOT A PANSY!" Alice was still pissed.

"OH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JASPER!" Alice glared at him. "At least he got your head out of the wall, now didn't he?" Alice said calmly. Jasper looked up.

"Well, technically, that was Rosalie, but-"

"BUT NOTHING!" Alice screamed, throwing her hands up in the air. Jasper rolled his eyes. Emmett rose his hand as to say something.

"Can I say something?" he asked. Edward shrugged. "SHE'S BACK!" Emmett yelled, running out of the room. Edward and the rest of his siblings stood there in shock as Emmett was chased around the living room by Bella, who was chucking pieces of garlic at his face.

"DIE DEMON, DIE!" Bella shrieked. Edward looked at Jasper.

"Just calm her down!" He yelled. Jasper stood there. Edward looked at him, then back at his psychotic girlfriend. "Well?" Edward asked.

"It's NOT WORKING!" Jasper said, a look of shock on his face.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT ISN'T WORKING?" Edward yelled back at him.

"IT NOT FREAKING WORKING!" Jasper threw his hands up in the air. Edward looked at Emmett, who was screaming as Bella chucked the pieces of garlic at his face.

"DON'T LET IT TOUCH YOU!" he yelled, ducking under a table. Rosalie rolled her eyes. "IT'S NOT GOING TO KILL YOU, EMMETT!" Rosalie yelled at him, walking to the table he was hiding under. "And that table is not going to protect you at all." She said, looking down at Emmett who looked scared.

"And how would you know? You've never been hit in the face with garlic before!!" He yelled back at his wife. She grew angrier and left the room with in a huff. Emmett peered out from under his safe haven, a.k.a the table. That's when it happened.

The table he was under split in two, Emmett screamed at the top of his lungs, ran down the hall, and disappeared. Edward stared at his girlfriend with wide eyes.

"B-Bella?" She was glaring after Emmett, muttering to herself.

"FRAMMIT HE GOT AWAY! I have to kill him now!" She glared at the broken table in front of her. "Dang it! What am I supposed to do about this?! Esme'll kill me! But wait, she's a vampire, and the vampire's are evil, and I have to kill them all." She continued her little rant and Edward slowly approached her, Alice and Jasper peering into the room from the kitchen.

"50 bucks says she attacks him." Jasper whispered to his wife.

"You're on. Besides, I didn't see her attack him at all." She tapped her head with her finger. Jasper snapped his fingers.

"Oh come on!" Alice shushed him with her finger and pointed back to Edward and Bella. Edward was now taking slow steps toward Bella who was watching him with wide eyes.

"Oh Edward thank goodness! I was afraid that they'd gotten you too!"

"Gotten me? Bella what do you-"

"The vampires of course! We have to kill them! All of them! Including those two!" She pointed to Alice and Jasper. "Especially that one!" She glared at Alice.

"Bella, honestly, everything's fine. No vampires are going to hurt you." Her head snapped back up to face him.

"Oh no! They've got you too! Get away from me!" Edward stepped back, looking hurt.

"Bella-"

"I said get away from me! You evil vampire!" She grabbed her super soaker, ready to spray the heck outta him with water.

"I've been a vampire for the past ninety years Bella."

"Liar! DIE, SCUM DIE!" She turned to spray gun to full blast, Edward fell back a few feet because of the force.

With that, Bella ran from the room.

"What the hell?" Jasper muttered, watching Edward try to stand up, only to slip and fall on his face. "Oh yeah, pay up Alice."

Alice mumbled something and handed Jasper a 50 dollar bill. "Anyways, where'd she go?"

As she said this, the power went out, and Rosalie screamed.

**How did Bella manage to break the table?? Find out soon!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Kirs and Kate**


	4. Just Kidding!

**Hehehe, Bella's gone mad! And berserk! Enjoy! Most of this, actually, all of this, was written by Kirs. Hope you like it!**

Everybody looked at Edward. He put his hands up in defense.

"Ok, ok. I'll go find her." Edward said, walking down the hallway, leaving Jasper and Alice alone in the front hall.

It wasn't too long before they saw a faint glow over in the corner. It was a lit match. Bella was standing there.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Bella yelled; her face evil.

"Bella, put down the match." Jasper tried to calm her down. Alice screamed, and Bella's laugher again erupted the whole house.

"Ok." Edward said. Alice ran up to him.

"Where did she go?" Alice asked, shaking with fear. Jasper walked over.

"She's psychotic and mad. Where do you _think_ she is?" Alice looked from Edward to Jasper.

"OK! OK! She watched that show! I tried to stop her but-" She cut herself off by screaming. "I DON'T WANT TO BE NEXT!" she screamed as she ran down the hallway.

Edward didn't know what to say. He told Bella never to watch that show. Especially when she was on caffeine.

Edward just stood there, speechless. He turned to where he thought Jasper was standing, and glared.

"Geez Alice! Can you do anything right?" he said. "Uh, Edward?" Edward heard behind him.

"You're sorta talking to a wall." Jasper said. Edward turned around, and threw his hands up in the air.

"I am going to kill her!" he yelled. Jasper looked confused.

"Who? Alice or Bella?" Edward rolled his eyes.

"Be- Never mind." He said, folding his arms over his chest.

Edward and Jasper stood in silence for a while until Emmett appeared with something behind his back. Edward looked up at his brother.

"Uh, Emmett? What have you got there?" he asked. Emmett pulled whatever was behind his back, and smiled.

"I GOT THE BLOW TORCH!" he yelled, turning it on full blast. Edward and Jasper looked at each other, and backed up. From the faint light, Emmett had a broad, and somewhat creepy smiled planted on his face.

Edward and Jasper whimpered and ran out of the room. Emmett turned the blow torch off, and the house went dark again.

"I WAS JUST KIDDING!" Emmett yelled.

**HA! Well, that didn't really explain the whole table breaking in two….but it was still funny right? Right?** **If you did like, review!**

**Kirs and Kate**


	5. She's got a match!

**Wow, it took us forever to update…so here you go….**

Edward poked his head back into the room. Emmett was gone. He sighed of relief. Jasper soon appeared behind him.

"Jasper, w-where's Alice?" Edward asked.

"I don't know, but I feel fear and madness in this house at the moment." Jasper said, shivering. Edward and Jasper walked into the living room.

"I'm going to look for Alice and the others." Jasper said, heading back down the hall.

"What?! Are you just going to leave me here, with, with…… Bella on the loose?!" Edward shuddered at the name. Jasper raised his eyebrows.

"Pansy!" Jasper laughed, walking down the hall, leaving Edward shaking with rage and fear back in the living room.

Edward gulped and began to walk slowly around the room.

It was quiet…..._too_ quiet.

The door upstairs slammed shut.

Rain hit the rooftop.

Edward gulped again.

Jasper was laughing, and Bella had disappeared.

_Again._

Edward could still hear his brother laughing, but not until he heard Jasper yell.

"You put that down this instant! Get away from me!" Edward heard running feet, and soon he noticed a ball of light coming down the hall.

"Emmett! I thought you were kidding!" he yelled as the faint ball of light started to turn the corner.

"Who said anything about Emmett?" a girly voice asked. The light soon lit up Bella's face, who was walking toward him, a lit match in her hand.

"Bella, you put that down!" Edward said, backing up and almost tripping over the rug.

"Now Edward. Why would I want to do that?" Bella asked calmly.

"You just, just get that away from me!" Edward said. Bella smiled.

"But Edward, you're evil, and I have to kill all the evil vampires in this house." Bella said seriously. Edward jumped on a chair.

"Bella, for the sake of god. The vampires in this house aren't evil, and they defiantly are not going to hurt you." Bella tipped her head to the side, confused. She shrugged, threw the match in Edward's direction, and walked out of the room.

A high pitched girly scream filled the room, and Jasper ran in with his hands over his ears.

"For the love of god! EDWARD! Would you shut up?!" Edward's mouth snapped shut and he hopped down from the chair, un-amused.

"Bella started it."

"That's nice. But actually, Alice did." Jasper quickly glanced around the room, nervous before he quickly added, "Not that I really think that."

"I thought so!" Came Alice's voice from somewhere in the depths of the Cullen's mansion.

Edward nose wrinkled as her expression changed to one of worry and disgust.

"Is something burning?" He and Jasper exchanged a quick glance and turned around, slowly. Rosalie came running into the room, screaming.

"MY SHIRT! PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT! PUT. IT. OUT!!!!!"

"OH CRAP!"

And the match Bella had thrown at Edward lay forgotten on the **wooden** floor, right next to **Esme's carpet.**

**XD Is that long enough and funny enough for you? Hopefully it is!**

**Kirs and Kate**


	6. The Thing

**Although it may have taken us some time to update and all…..**

**::Kate:: Well it's hard when you've got ten different stories to write!**

**::Kirs:: Well why don't you just stick with one?!**

**::Kate:: Because that's the way I am! I can never stick with just one story!!**

**::Kirs:: -glares-**

**::Kate:: -glares back-**

**Regardless,**

**Enjoy!**

"Ya shake it to left, ya shake it to right! An-"

"EMMETT!!"

"Yes Rosalie dearest?"

"We do you have to be such an idiot? It's annoying!" Rosalie glared up at Emmett, who in turn was glaring at a dust bunny, who in turn was glaring at nothing because we all know dusty bunnies can't glare.

"Rosalie!" Jasper hissed in a hushed tone. "Keep your voice down! She's still out there!" Rosalie turned to Jasper to glare at him.

"Yeah well that _thing_ burned my new shirt, she'll be lucky if she lives through this." It was Edward's turn to glare at Rosalie now.

"Bella is not a thing Rosalie, she is a human being, which obviously, you're not. You're the devil most of the time."

"Well you're an egotistical, narcotic, son of a-"

"WILL EVERYBODY SHUT UP!"

They all turned to Alice, who was glaring at them.

"Now. I AM GOING TO GET OUT OF THIS CLOSET, and go look for her. Emmett, would you get your BUTT out of my face?!" Alice whispered sharply at him, and sat up.

"You can't go out there, Alice! It's too dangerous!" Jasper called.

"Too dangerous? What are you talking about? We're five powerful vampires, and she's a human on caffeine. She can't kill us anyway."

Alice opened the door with a huff, and stared out into the dark hallway.

"See? I see nothing." Alice smiled innocently, and danced down the hall. Two seconds later, they heard a high pitched scream.

"W-what was that?" Edward asked.

"I don't know." Emmett whispered back.

"Oh for the love of god, THAT _THING_ IS GOING TO DIE!" Rosalie stood up to go when Edward and Emmett pulled her back, and shut the door.

"No one else is leaving." Edward said, looking at Rosalie, whose mouth was covered by Emmett's hand. She looked furious.

Something was clawing at the door and hissing. Jasper whimpered, cowering in the corner as Edward shook with fear. Emmett shifted a seething Rosalie so that she sat behind him, never taking his hand away from her mouth. She was about to bite him when a soft voice could be heard.

"Oh Edward. E-edward?" They heard outside the door. Edward was now enraged himself.

"Bella. What the crap?" he yelled from the other side of the door.

Then the door handle began to rattle, and everyone looked terrified at the door, but Rosalie.

"Finally!"

She ran to the door before anyone could catch her, and swung it open.

"THIS IS FOR THE SHIRT!" Then Rosalie jumped down to the ground. There was another scream, and then the lights flickered on.

"What the hell is going on here?" Carlisle's voice came from the other side of the wall.

The Cullen's tumbled out of the closet to see Carlisle and Esme glaring down at them. Then they all looked down at Rosalie, who was pinning a scared looking Bella to the ground.

"Rosalie! Get up." Esme said. Rosalie jumped up, and Edward helped his girlfriend to her feet.

"Well?" Carlisle did not look satisfied.

"Alice gave Bella coffee, and Bella turned on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and we came home and we found Alice hanging from the closet ceiling upside down and then Bella grabbed a super soaker and shot Jasper so his head went through the wall…" Emmett started to speed talk.

"Wait a minute. What happened to the wall?!" Esme freaked, and walked to the foyer where she screamed. They all ran to her.

"WHAT IS THIS?!" She pointed to a head-sized hole in the wall. None of her kids spoke up.

She then bent down to see her kitchen on the other side. She screamed again.

"Where's Alice?" Carlisle asked.

"That's what we don't know." Jasper answered. Then they all turned to Bella.

"What?"

There was another scream, but it wasn't from Esme.

Then they all saw Alice walk into the foyer. The lightning crashed, and the lights went out. The last thing that they heard was a soprano like evil laugh flood the house.

**So….even if it's not really long, it's still kinda funny. And no need to worry guys, we've got quite some time before the story ends!**

**::Kate:: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!**

**::Kirs:: -smacks Kate on the head with a frying pan-**

**Kirs and Kate**


	7. We're Dead

**:Ka: -cracks knuckles- Um, yeah… NEW CHAPPIE!! (And I have no excuse for not updating sooner!)**

The screaming continued, and Edward held Bella so tight that she began to turn blue. Emmett let out a shriek and jumped at Carlisle, who was -unfortunately- closest to him.

"HOLD ME!" Emmett yelled, knocking over his startled father. Esme shot a glance at the wall, and then back at her kids.

"Someone had better explain this. _NOW_." Rosalie gulped as Jasper rolled his eyes.

"You do realize that no one can see you or what you're doing due to the fact that the power is out don't you?" He said with sarcasm, flinching as he sensed his mother glaring daggers at him.

"The moonlight shines through the window brightly, you think I can't see you?!" She took a breath. "SOMEONE HAD BETTER EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT HAPPENED TO MY WALL BEFORE I SLAP SAID SOMEONE!" Rosalie let out a gasp, and Emmett chuckled, getting up off the floor, leaving the poor dazed blond vampire to lay flat on his back. Esme whirled on Emmett, shoving a finger in his face.

"EMMETT! YOU TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL RUN YOU OVER WITH YOUR OWN CAR!!" Everyone in the room froze at this, staring at Esme in shock. Bella blinked, staring at the woman, shaking. Edward, seeing Bella shake, wrapped his arm tighter around her. His was shaking too, not because of Esme though. But because of the black silhouette outlined at the top of the stairs.

"We've got bigger problems **(other than how Esme's going to kill Emmett.)**." He squeaked, making the rest of the family turn slowly and in unison to follow his gaze. Bella was the only one who didn't move at all.

Rosalie, seeing the dark figure start to move, screamed at the top of her lungs. She looked around quickly, gasping.

"SAVE YOURSELF!" She yelled loudly, diving for the full laundry basket and somehow magically fitting into it to hide. Jasper blinked, amazing and confused at his sister, but immediately turned back to his wife, gulping.

He took a step forward.

She took a step down the stairs.

"A-Alice?"

"J-Jasper?" She said, mocking him.

His lip quivered in terror.

"A-Alice, come d-down here p-please."

"J-Jasper, come u-up here p-please."

Edward snickered, and his mouth was immediately covered by Esme's hand. Rosalie peered out of one of the holes in the laundry basket at the pixie like sadistic vampire walking down the stairs. Emmett stood still, watching her as well.

Carlisle decided that it was in his best interest to stay on the floor.

"Fe-fi-fo-fum." Alice chuckled, holding out a hand as she continued down the stairs. She stopped at the bottom landing and through her head back. "WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" She laughed evilly, making the rest of the room jump about two feet.

Expressionless, Bella began to slowly turn to face Edward, who still had his arm wrapped around her.

"Edward?"

"…Y-Yes Bella?" He whispered, keeping his eyes on Alice. She still held one hand out in front of her. She was now watching him and Bella.

"Well," She trailed off, grinning. Without warning, she grabbed Edward's free arm and twisted it above her, throwing him over her head. Shocked, Edward landed on the floor with a _THUD. _Esme just about fainted, and Jasper and Emmett ran over to where she, Carlisle, and Rosalie –still in the laundry basket- were. Bella, now grinning widely in the moonlight, looked down at Edward. Edward was slowly getting over his initial shock and was getting up on his knees.

"B-Bella? What the crap was that?" Bella laughed at him.

In a whirl, Alice spun away from the stairs like the Tasmanian Devil toward Bella. Still spinning, she grabbed Bella. Together, they whirled about half way up the stairs. Bella now stood next to Alice, her arms folded as she looked down at the gathering.

Lightening flashed randomly.

With wide-eyed gasps the Cullens realized what Alice had in her other hand.

_A cup of coffee._

_Which she was now handing to Bella._

"_NNNNOOOOOOOOO!!_" Edward yelled; in a slow-motion like……yell. He lunged up the stairs, trying to knock the coffee out of Bella's hands.

Alice kicked him in the face, sending him back into the foyer.

Bella clutched the cup of coffee in her hands, her eyes narrowing into slits.

"_You dare to defy us?!_" She screeched. "_YOU WILL PAY!!_" Alice smirked beside her. Jasper blinked.

"Yeah, we're dead." He said, expressionless. **(A/N:** Or however expressionless your face can be when you say 'Yeah, we're dead.'

Bella's eye twitched as she held the cup tighter in her small hands. She started to raise it to her lips.

Edward repeated his slow-mo yell/jump but IT WAS TOO LATE………Again.

Bella proceeded to chug the full cup of coffee, much to everyone's horror –except for Alice, because it was her fault in the first place, and she could care less.

After this little intervention, Alice flew away with Bella, leaving the rest of the family behind, dumbfounded downstairs.

"Ha…" Carlisle wheezed, finally being able to stand. Esme sat down on the laundry basket behind her, squishing Rosalie in the process.

"EEEEEE! (I'm melting!) Hello! HIDING HERE!" She yelled, making Esme shoot up.

"Of for God's sake-"

"Jasper! Shush!"

"Oh bite me." Jasper muttered, glaring at his brother Edward, who had earlier called him a pansy. "Why should I be quiet?"

Edward looked around nervously, his nose twitching like a bunny's a few times.

"Edward?" Emmett whisper-yelled, giving his brother a confused look. "What is it?" Everyone else in the room stopped what they were doing –whether it was whisper-yelling, or being stuck in the laundry basket- to watch the youngest Cullen.

"Is something burning?"

Somewhere deep within the house, someone could be heard singing,

"_I've gotten a match, I've got a match, and guess what I'm gonna buuurrn…_"

**(Camera zooms out, and the Cullen house turns into a mushroom cloud. POOF!)**

**(Hey, anyone here play the game 'Spyro'? Remember him? Remember the original for PlayStation 1? There was the Nee-Ner-Nee-Ner-Man! Ok, he wasn't really called that, but he was blue and had pink eggs, and you had to ram into him to get it. He used to say: "Nee ner nee ner nee ner hahaha!" Seriously, does anyone here remember? **

**Those were good times…)**

**Ki and Ka (and a little bit of Chels (from "Forks Fiends"))**


End file.
